This month marks the one year anniversary of me securing my own apartment again for the first time since I was a teenager. As a young 19 year old woman, I moved out on my own and lived in a small one bedroom apartment for years until I moved into a place with my future husband. Fast forward fifteen years, and I found myself moving into a new place, at 35 years old, alone again. I was both excited and nervous about not only such a large life change but also being alone with myself, and by extension my thoughts. This month also highlighted the first time that my new partner lived on his own as well, and as I watch him succumb to the benefits of alone time and your own safe space, I also feel nostalgic for that feeling.

Yet, I still have it.

A year later, I am still excited to come home from a long exhausting day at work and know that I can do what I want without worrying about what mood or energy level I have that day. I can cook myself supper or just eat an apple with some peanut butter. There is no one to take care of, no one to have to be “on” for and no one to judge me if I watch trashy tv or go to bed at 830. I have the space that I need to decompress from the heaviness that can sometimes be my job.

I still have the quiet and personal space where I can do my writing. A small desk in the corner of my apartment when I can pop in the headphones, turn on a peppermint diffuser and just be with my thoughts. Some days that is a brutal task and other days it is one filled with gratitude and pride. I have spent a lot of time at that little corner desk over the last year and have done a lot of soul searching, reflection and growth. Sometimes it is easy for me to forget how far I have come in the last year, but also how much more growth I will face in the comfort of that tiny little desk.

I still have the pride in being responsible for my own space. The joy I have in the plant that is slowly coming back to life after I almost killed it. The satisfaction that comes from the fresh sheets on the bed and no dishes in the sink. The pride in being confident, independent and capable enough to live on my own and be able to manage it both financially, emotionally and logistically. The reminder that spending some part of your time on your own is a privilege that fosters growth (even if you take moments when others aren’t around).

I feel excited when I have people over to visit. I enjoy having chats with my best friend in my little apartment as we cross stitch or watch movies or share a hot drink. I am antsy for my partner to come for sleepovers knowing that the lack of household responsibilities on our relationship mean we are able to enjoy more relaxed quality time. It highlights both the benefits of living alone, and in the future, living with someone I love again. It feels exciting to have a space of my own where I can invite people into my security bubble and let them stay awhile.

I have now living alone again for over a year. I am unsure whether I will stay alone for a long time, a short time or never again in my life. All I know, is that, the space, the quiet and the benefits that come with being able to be with your own thoughts is a skill most people don’t have. Regardless of whether I continue to have my own little apartment, or where I find myself in life, I will, and continue to, take time, space and the privilege of spending time on my own. I recommend that you take some time to do the same. I promise you, it is worth it.

“There comes a point where you have to stop trying to escape yourself or improve yourself and just allow yourself” – Matt Haig