Well, for those of you who have been following along, you may have noticed that I have not done a post in a few weeks. I went from doing two posts a week and being consistent and then I stopped. Now, I could give you a whole long list of justified reasons as to why I have not been writing, but none of them are really the real reason. It is not because I was working too much. It was not because I was too tired or had other things to do. It is not because I was sick or busy or didn’t feel like it. It was not because I had no time or other obligations came first. It was mainly because I have a really bad habit of breaking promises to myself. Breaking promises for the things that I want, and need, and must have in order to work on my overall wellness.
I have a long history of knowing what is good for me, wanting to make changes to do those good things, doing well for a few weeks or even months, and then letting it go to the wayside. Something comes up, a small challenge of some sort, and then I allow it to justify giving up on those good goals. It can be my desire to eat healthier or exercise. It can be my desire to spend more time outside or quality time with Hubby. It can be my need to have better work life balance or make time to do my writing or editing. Time for the hobbies that recharge my battery and refill my bucket. Regardless, it doesn’t matter which goal it is, I let it go. I give up. And then get annoyed with myself for doing so.
But, that is not helpful. Beating myself up, or putting more pressure on myself to get “back on track” just makes it harder to do the goals. There is no track. Life doesn’t work that way. My life sure as hell doesn’t work that way when you look at what has been thrown my way. Shit happens. All the time. That screws up the plans I have made for myself. But, that doesn’t mean that I should just stop putting myself, and my goals first. But I do. I do it all the time. And I think upon reflection I have figured out why.
I have spent my entire life putting other people first and putting myself and my needs on the back burner. Yes, I am someone who will voice her opinion, and her needs, and even will stand up for myself when I do not want to do something. But, I also consistently and regularly allow my true needs and wants to slowly make their way to the back of the table for what the people in front of me may need. And it happens most often when it comes to the things that are important to me, or important to my overall well-being. I do not make the time for me in the same way that I make time for others. I do not put good things for me as top priority without feeling guilty or selfish about it. And I do not set boundaries for the things that take my energy or emotions when I need them to manage myself.
And I know that I am not the only person who struggles with this.
Follow through is hard. It is hard for me, and I know it is hard for others too. It doesn’t matter the circumstance. It doesn’t matter the goal. And it doesn’t matter what life barriers pop up making it hard to do so. I deserve to matter too. I deserve to be treated with the same amount of consistency, empathy, compassion and love that I give to all of those around me. I give and give and give parts of myself to my family, to my friends, to my job and to almost everyone that I spend any length of time with. And I am proud of that. I am a good, loyal and strong woman. But, I have to treat myself with the same. So, how do I do that? How do we do that?
Well, I need to..
Stop breaking promises to myself.
Stop telling myself that I want better but not doing better.
Stop treating myself with negative, criticism or pressure that I would never place on anyone else.
Stop saying I am “fine” when I am not fine.
Stop telling myself I can handle things on my own, when I do not have to handle things on my own. I have people who can support me.
And then just stop. Take that breath. Take that time. Reflect on my priorities, reevaluate when a plan is not working and then shift accordingly.
Now, you do the same. Trust me. It will matter in the long run and we all need to remember that we are all important too!