I can start this post writing about all the New Year’s resolutions that I am going to make this year. How I am going to lose weight, eat healthier and get in shape. I am going to start exercising and spending time at the gym. And yet, all of you know that I am full of it. You usually are too. I make resolutions every year and every year, about a month or two later, I have given up or gotten off track. Do I want to do all these things? Absolutely. Do I want to maintain a routine and do good things for myself? Of course I do! But, I also have to be realistic.
I work full time in a job that is emotionally and energy draining while at the same time satisfying and makes me proud. I spend almost two hours commuting each day (not including traffic time) and an abnormally large amount of time in my car. I am married and have a dog and chickens and a house that needs to be taken care of, although Husband does most of that stuff right now. I have depression, and going through fertility and some days my energy is just not there and sleep is my friend. And I also like to read, and write, and cross stitch and just have some hobbies that help me decompress from all that is my life.
My life is busy. Period. I can make various excuses and reasons as to why these New Year resolutions will go by the wayside but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. I have years and years of proof that they do not work, for me anyway, so instead this year, I want to do something different. Instead of making these “resolutions” that focus on things that at the end of the day, don’t really matter, I am going to make year-long hopes instead. Therefore, the question that I have to ask myself is what do I hope for 2022? Things that I have control over (although COVID ending is still a hope) and things that will bring betterment to my life instead of just weight loss or healthy eating. So here goes.
Better Work/Life Balance. I am going to be more present. Husband tells me that I give all of myself to my days at work and by the time I get home, I am home but not here. Too tired, too exhausted and spent too much time throughout the day using up all my social energy. He is not wrong. I use a lot in my job, and it is emotionally taxing. Therefore, this year, I want to work on better work/life balance. Yes, I shut my work phone off when I get home, and I am not checking emails or doing work outside of the regular hours. However, I find myself thinking, dreaming and worrying about work when not there. I find myself leaving later and later each day carving into my quality time with Husband and the other important people in my life. I hope to continue to maintain my boundaries, but also do a better job of leaving work at work and not bringing it into the home as much.
Be More Present. When spending time with friends or family this year, I hope to be more present. Spend more time, and if I have it energy, doing more fun, enjoyable things with the people that I love. Going for those walks, or spending a night socializing without checking my phone, doing a hobby or feeling overwhelmed. I need my alone time for sure, but I also have found myself isolating in a way that I “think” is helpful. Sometimes pushing myself to go spend that evening with a friend, or taking that phone call is just what I need to be more present and have a more well-rounded life.
Continue To Learn. I may no longer be in a formal educational setting but I also still love to learn. I want to learn. I hope to read books that teach me things that I have no knowledge on, or read up on skills that will further my writing and my desire to spread my story with the world. I hope to learn in new and exciting ways and although I am not sure what that may look like right now, I know that I am going to continue to do so throughout 2022.
Forgive. Forgive Husband for the hurt in the past so that I can move past it. I have hope to forgive others who have also caused me pain or hurt my feelings and allow myself to let it go. I know that their will continue to be heartache and hard things in this coming year, but I hope that I can be more conscious of forgiving people and be more understanding. People can screw up and hurt others in the process, but that does not mean they are bad people. I also screw up, so this also means saying sorry when I mess up too.
“When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.”– Nelson Mandela
Be In Nature More. Husband loves the outdoors and in my younger days, I used to as well. Over the last few years, I have found myself staying inside more and more. Why? Why am I not going for that walk, or even sitting in the backyard as I read my book? Why have I stopped taking hikes or exploring the beauty that is where I live? I grew up in the province that has one of the most beautiful beaches in the country. Savor it. Enjoy It. Get the hell outside.
Put My Wellness First. Yes, this can be hopes for weight loss or dieting, but rather it more about being better attuned with my needs and how to address them. This is listening to my body, my emotions and the people around me to address the parts of myself that are unwell. This can be hopes for physical concerns like my IBS flareups but can also be mental health, sleep or energy concerns as well. Be cautious and aware of my own wellness and putting hope in setting boundaries and requirements for myself that allow me to foster positive, and long lasting change. This includes working on loving myself more too.
Writing. Lastly, and most important of all, I hope that I will continue to write in 2022. Yes, I started a blog last year and I can hope, and right now plan, on continuing to write and post throughout 2022, but it is so much more than that. I am wanting to write for me, for others and to get my story out there. I hope to be able to work on my novel, be okay with telling the truth, and feeling whatever emotions that it may bring up. Writing for me is a tool for healing, and I need to continue to use it. Writing is a powerful part of me, and I need to honor that skill that is not as easy for everyone.
2022 is a new year, a new chance and an opportunity for another exciting year for Husband and I. I am not naïve in knowing that it is still going to be hard and that those challenges that we were facing three days ago in 2021, are still challenges we are facing today. But the most important component of it all is that I have hope this year. Hope for me, hope for others and hope that 2022 is going to be a better year! I can only hope the same for you!